30 - Saying Goodbye
by Bluebird0032
Summary: A member of the McCain family has to say goodbye. Rated T for very intense/dangerous situations and themes of self harm/suicide.


_**Saying Goodbye**_

Mark woke and quickly realized his wife wasn't in bed with him. Looking across the room, he saw that Daniel wasn't in his crib, either. Mark threw on a shirt and walked out to the front room. Walking to the window, Mark saw Cassie sitting in the rocking chair on the front porch, Daniel in her arms. He stepped outside and took a seat beside his wife, looking into her distant eyes.

"What are you doing up so early? Is everything alright?"

Cassie turned to Mark and gently smiled, taking his hand in hers.

"I've just been thinking."

"What about?"

"...A year ago today, you came back to me and we welcomed our son into the world. ...We've been through a lot since then… and I'm sure there's going to be a lot more for us to go through, but we're together. And I thank the Lord for every day the three of us have together."

Mark and Cassie drew closer to each other until they found themselves in a passionate kiss. Finally parting, Mark and Cassie sat back, watching the sun rise over the land.

**1MC1**

As October turned to November, Johnny Gibbs found himself in a situation he hadn't expected to be in for another twenty years.

He stood outside of the church, chuckling as Laura nervously paced back and forth.

"Laura, it's going to be alright."

"But Mr. Gibbs, what if I-"

"Considering I'm about to walk you down the aisle, I think we can drop the formalities. Everything's going to be alright. Once you step foot in that church, nothing besides your husband-to-be is going to matter."

"I'm so excited, yet so nervous…"

"Every bride is. Just remember that no matter what, Ben loves you, you love him, and nothing else is important."

"I can't thank you enough for everything you and Mrs. Gibbs have done for Michael and me."

"Lou and I were happy to do it. You two will always be family."

"And fer the last time," Lou began as she came up to them, "Ye can drop the "Mrs." Makes me feel old…"

"They ready?" Johnny asked his wife.

Lou nodded with a smile before watching her husband walk Laura down the aisle.

It was a simple, yet beautiful ceremony that reminded many of those in attendance of their own wedding day. A short reception was held at the hotel before the McCains and Gibbs saw the couple off at the train station. Laura, however, was having a difficult time saying goodbye to Michael.

"Are you sure you don't mind taking him?" Laura asked, still holding Michael. "Four children under four…"

"Don't ye worry about a thing," Lou assured as Johnny took Michael from Laura's arms. "We'll all get along just fine. Now you two go and enjoy yer honeymoon!"

"Trust me, you'll want to savor every last minute of it," Johnny commented. "With a toddler already under your roof, it'll be years before you have any privacy again."

"Thank you all, for everything."

Ben started walking his wife to the train as they waved goodbye to those on the platform.

The McCains and Gibbs watched the train pull away before the families went their separate ways. As the Gibbs returned home, Lou let out a heavy sigh.

"What is it?"

"...It just seems so empty… so quiet."

Johnny and Lou suddenly heard something crash behind them. They turned around to see the pitcher Madelyn had accidentally knocked over lying in pieces on the ground.

"You were saying?" Johnny chuckled and picked Maddy up as Lou went for a broom. "...I think it's going to be a long time before this house is ever quiet again. ...But I wouldn't change it for the world."

After helping his wife put the children down for their naps, Johnny returned to his office to do some paperwork. He walked inside the office to see Ned at his desk, crumpling a paper in frustration and throwing it into the wastebasket.

"What are you doing here?" Johnny asked as he sat down at his own desk. "Your shift doesn't start for a few more hours."

"Gunrunners, convicts, bank robbers, you name it, I can handle it…"

"But?"

"But fatherhood… Johnny I haven't ever been more scared in my entire life!"

"I thought you were excited?"

"I am, I just… I'm worried."

"Everything's gonna be alright, you'll see."

"But what if-"

"Never start a sentence with those three words. It won't get you anywhere. Everything is going to be fine. Why don't you spend some extra time with your wife for a few hours this evening? I can cover for you."

"Ma and Helen practically ran me out of the house; Helen said she couldn't get any rest with me hovering over her. That's why I'm here in the first place."

Johnny chuckled and shook his head.

"Well, I guess that gives you plenty of time to catch up on your reports, then."

"Except I can't focus. Johnny, how did you do this three times?!"

"Don't worry, the first time is always extra nerve wracking, but you'll be fine. You and Helen are going to make wonderful parents and you're going to have a beautiful, healthy baby on your hands in six months' time."

"I just wish it didn't take so long. And I want to be there for Helen, but she won't let me help..."

"Believe me, I know the feeling. But there's a fine line between caring for our wives and smothering them, and when they're pregnant, we tend to smother. Give her some breathing room, and everything will turn out alright."

Ned heavily sighed and turned back to his paperwork before looking back up at Johnny.

"When Lou was pregnant… did she pick up any… strange habits?"

"Like what?"

"...The last few nights, before Helen goes to bed, she's been eating pickled cucumbers."

"That's not all that strange."

"With mustard."

"...Lou had a few strange combinations, but I think that one takes the cake."

"I don't know how she eats it… I can hardly stand the smell."

"Just pray it's the pregnancy and not something permanent."

Johnny and Ned worked in the office for a few hours before doing their rounds. Upon returning to the office, Johnny collected his things and headed home for the evening.

As soon as Johnny walked in the door, Maddy came running up to him with a big smile on her face.

"Papa!"

"Hello darling." Johnny picked Maddy up and threw her up in the air, catching her before giving her a big hug. "How are you?"

"I helped Mama make cookies!"

"You did? Did you save any for me?"

"I made a big one for you. Come look!"

Johnny set his daughter down, letting her take his hand and lead him to the kitchen. Maddy excitedly showed her Pa his cookie before Johnny greeted Lou and took Peter from her.

"Where are Madison and Michael?"

"They're playing in the girls' room. Supper's just about ready, would you mind getting them for me?"

"Sure."

After supper that evening, Johnny took the kids to the front room while Lou cleaned the kitchen. He had just finished reading Madison and Michael a story when he looked over to see Maddy looking at one of Lou's books.

"Maddy, wouldn't you rather look at a picture book?"

"No, I'm a big girl, I read like Mama."

Johnny shook his head and chuckled as Maddy turned a few pages.

"Papa, what this?"

Johnny stood and walked over to see his daughter holding up an envelope with, "_My dear son_" written on it. Overcome with a wave of different emotions, Johnny stood there for a moment, speechless.

"Papa?"

"It… it's just a letter," Johnny said as he took the envelope from Maddy and put it in his back pocket.

"For who?"

"Don't worry about it. Why don't I read you all one last story before you all go to bed?"

Maddy nodded with glee and picked out a different book for Johnny to read.

After he and Lou had put the children to bed, Johnny went outside to do the barn chores. When he finished, the marshal sat down on a hay bale and hesitantly opened the envelope.

He stared at the letter for several moments as anger, grief, bitterness, sadness… and so many more emotions welled inside of him.

Finally trying to put twenty years of anger aside, Johnny reluctantly began to read what his father had written.

Concerned that Johnny hadn't returned to the house yet, Lou grabbed her shall and made her way to the barn. Upon stepping inside, Lou saw the distraught look on her husband's face.

"...Johnny?"

Johnny slowly looked up as his wife walked towards him.

"Are ye alright? What's wrong?"

"...How long were you going to keep this?" Johnny asked as he showed his wife the envelope.

"...Until ye were ready. I'm sorry, Johnny… I didn't mean any harm by it, but I knew… one day, ye would regret trying to get rid of it."

Johnny stood and closed the gap between himself and his wife as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you."

**2MC2**

Cassie sat in the kitchen, churning butter when the front door opened and Mark walked inside.

"What are you doing home so early?"

"Ran out of nails, I need to make a trip into town. You need anything?"

"Could you see if they got vanilla in at the store yet?"

"Sure thing. Where's-" Mark stopped short as he looked across the room to see Daniel standing up and taking a tentative step towards him. "Come here, Daniel," Mark called, kneeling down on the floor and holding out his arms.

Daniel took two more steps, stopping momentarily to regain his balance before taking a few more.

"Come on, you can do it," Mark continued to encourage.

Cassie watched with a smile on her face as Mark continued to call to his son and Daniel took more uneven steps towards him. Finally taking two last steps, Daniel reached out and grabbed his Pa's hands before Mark picked him up and set him on his knee.

"Well, it's about time! Maybe next I can get you say, "Papa"."

As if he was deliberately teasing his Pa, Daniel turned towards Cassie and pointed, calling, "Mama, Mama."

"Yes," Mark sighed as Cassie chuckled. "That's your Mama. Can you say Papa?"

"Mama."

"Pa-pa," Mark repeated.

"Ma-ma."

"Pa-"

"Mark, I think he's playing with you," Cassie laughed.

"He's one!"

"He's a McCain…"

Mark shook his head before putting Daniel down.

"Where's Rachael?"

"She went for a ride, I think. She was going to join you on the range after lunch."

"And Lydia?"

"Playing in the other room."

"Alright." Mark walked over to Cassie and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back in a while."

"Love you."

Mark left the house, mounted up on BlueBoy, and headed for town. After getting the supplies he needed and Cassie's vanilla, Mark was getting ready to mount up again when Johnny called to him from across the street. Mark waved and started making his way towards his uncle, leading BlueBoy behind him.

"Mark, what brings you to town?"

"Just had to pick some things up from the store."

"Do you have a minute to talk?"

"Sure."

Mark followed Johnny to the marshal's office where they both took a seat.

"I'll get straight to the point. I owe you an apology."

"An apology?" Mark asked in confusion.

"I owe you an apology for the way I acted whenever you tried to bring up my Pa, especially when you brought back his Bible and that letter. I took my anger out on you, and all you were trying to do was help me mend the relationship. I'm sorry."

"...I understand."

"I read it the other night… and I sure don't know if I forgive him, but… you were right. He was sorry. ...Thank you for bringing those back to me, even though at the time you knew I didn't want them."

"You don't need to thank me, Uncle Johnny. I…"

"I do. What was written in that letter… it means more to me than you will ever know."

Not sure what else to say, Mark finally responded, "...Well, I'm glad you were able to read it. And I hope it's helped you come to peace with everything."

"It's a start."

Johnny and Mark looked up to see Ned walking into the office, a look on his face neither man could identify.

"You alright, Ned?" Mark asked as the deputy dropped into a chair.

"I don't understand how I can manage to do so many things wrong in one morning…"

"Want my advice?"

"I'll take any I can get."

"Bring home a box of chocolates."

"Chocolates?"

Mark nodded and chuckled.

"Worked like a charm when Cassie was pregnant. ...Most of the time, anyway."

"Most?"

"As long as you avoid two very dangerous words," Johnny added.

"Which are?"

"Emotional and sensitive."

"...What if they've already been said?"

Johnny and Mark looked at each other and busted out laughing.

"You two are a lot of help."

Ned started to leave, but Johnny stopped him.

"Ned, it's a hard time on both of you. Give her some time to calm down, do a lot of sweet talking, and save any "I told you so's" for another day."

"But I didn't do anything!"

"You can talk about all that later," Mark said. "_After_ the baby's here."

"Take it from someone who just went through nine months of this," Johnny began, "You don't want to be fighting the whole time she's pregnant."

"And just how is that supposed to be avoided?"

"Two simple words," Mark chuckled. "Yes, dear..."

"I'm going for a walk."

Mark and Johnny shook their heads, laughing as Ned left the office.

"This oughta be an interesting few months," Johnny commented.

"I think they'll figure things out. The rest of us did."

The office door opened again and Amos walked in with a telegraph in hand.

"Mark, this just came in for you."

"Thanks, Amos."

Johnny waved as the clerk left and then watched his nephew read the wire.

"Bad news?" He asked, seeing Mark's face.

"Ma and Pa won't be able to make it for Thanksgiving. ...Pa said there was a small setback and they're not sure when they'll be home."

"...At least it was there and not here."

"Yeah, I guess…"

Johnny came around the desk and put his hand on Mark's shoulder.

"It'll be alright."

"I just wish the doctors would start saying that…"

"You said yourself how much better she looked when you went to visit. I'm sure, like your Pa said, it was just something small. They'll be home in no time."

"That's what we said in July."

"Mark, you can't let yourself get down. We're through the worst of it, and that's what's important." There was a moment of silence before Johnny changed the subject. "Hey, I forgot to tell you. Noah and Miriam are coming."

"They are? When?"

"They're getting in the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and leaving Saturday. Did you ever meet them in person?"

"Pa and I made a trip for their wedding anniversary… boy, I can't believe that was ten years ago. Is it just Uncle Noah and Aunt Miriam, or are the cousins coming, too?"

"I honestly don't know… didn't really think about asking."

"I guess Rees and the twins would at least be with them."

"Twins?"

"You didn't know they had twins?"

"Apparently not. So do the twins make numbers five and six, or were they an addition?"

"No, it's just the six, but the twins were before Rees. I'm pretty sure the older three are married and moved out of Nebraska, but I'm not sure about the others. It's been awhile since we've gotten a letter from them."

"I guess we'll find out when they get here."

"I better get going, I've got a whole section of fence to repair before the first snow hits. See ya later."

"Bye."

Mark returned to the ranch and ate lunch with everyone before he and Rachael set out for the range. As they worked that afternoon, Mark noticed that Rachael seemed distracted and distant. He tried asking if anything was wrong multiple times, but she would just shake her head and turn away.

On the way home that evening, they hit a wide, open stretch and Rachael kicked her horse into a gallop, something she and Mark often did. But Mark knew Rachael wasn't just doing it for fun. There was something else; something different.

Suddenly, Liberty tripped on a stone, sending Rachael tumbling to the ground. Mark kicked his heels into BlueBoy and rode up to Rachael, jumping down from his horse as he reached her.

"Rachael, you alright?"

Rachael started sitting up, but as Mark reached out to give her a hand up, she quickly pulled away.

"Don't touch me!"

There were several moments of awkward silence before Rachael suddenly jumped up and ran towards Liberty, limping as she went.

"Rachael!"

Mark watched in confusion as Rachael mounted Liberty and rode away. At a much slower pace, Mark followed Rachael back home and found Liberty in the yard, still saddled.

After taking care of both horses, Mark went inside the house and found Cassie at the stove.

"Mark, what's wrong with Rachael? She got home and ran to her room without saying so much as a word to me."

"I don't know… she wasn't herself today and then she fell from Liberty. When I went to check on her, she just yelled at me to not touch her."

"Not to touch her?"

Mark shrugged, the look of confusion on his face matching Cassie's.

When supper was ready, Mark tried getting Rachael to come out of her room, but there was no answer when he knocked on the door. He tried the handle, but it was locked.

"Do you want me to get the key?" Cassie asked.

"No… she'll come out when she's ready."

It turned into a long evening as Cassie and Mark sat up, hoping Rachael would eventually come out. They finally turned in around midnight, but Mark couldn't fall asleep. Some time later, Mark finally heard Rachael's door open and shut, followed by the front door opening and closing. Mark gave it a few minutes before stepping outside. Seeing the light, Mark made his way to the barn and found Rachael in Liberty's stall, checking her leg.

"Guess I should've known you'd still be awake," Rachael commented. "You're too much like your Pa."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"...No."

Mark sat down in the stall across from Rachael. He didn't say anything, but simply waited.

"...I'm sorry I yelled at you." Rachael hesitated, knowing she should give Mark an explanation, but not wanting to talk about it. "I… I kinda got lost in my thoughts this afternoon. ...All I could think about was… was my Pa and…"

"You don't have to explain. You alright?"

"A little sore, but I'm fine. I've taken harder falls before."

"...Do you want to be alone, or would you like some company?"

"...I think I've had enough alone time for one night."

Mark and Rachael talked for a while before they started hearing grunts from the other side of the barn. Mark followed the noise to find his mare in labor.

"Well, I say it's about time. Rachael, you ever see a horse give birth before?"

Rachael crossed the barn and joined her cousin at the stall door.

"No, I don't suppose I have."

They talked as they watched, Mark occasionally stepping inside the stall to make things more comfortable for the mare.

Two and a half hours passed before a beautiful black colt laid in the stall with its mother. It wasn't long after that before he started trying to stand.

"What are you going to name him?"

"I haven't really thought about it. Any suggestions?"

"...What about Shiloh?"

"Sounds like a winner."

"...Mark?"

Mark turned to look at his cousin, who hesitated in going on.

"Yes?"

Rachael tried to bring herself to say it... to tell him… but she couldn't.

"...Thanks for always being there."

**3MC3**

Thanksgiving morning arrived and Mark came in from doing the barn chores to find Lydia in Cassie's arms, bawling. Daniel started crawling towards Mark before standing up and walking the last two feet.

"What happened?" Mark picked his son up and walked towards his wife and sister.

"She got her fingers caught in the door…"

Mark took his sister's hand in his before shaking his head.

"You sure did. Lydia, what made you go and do a silly thing like that?"

"Me not do it!" Lydia cried.

"Guess we're gonna have to go see Doc Andrew so he cut 'em off, huh?"

"Mark!" Cassie exclaimed.

But Lydia saw the teasing gleam in her brother's eye and ever so slightly smiled.

"Papa be mad at you," Lydia answered, tears still falling.

"I guess he would. How 'bout just one? Here, we don't even have to go see Doc, I can..." Mark started walking towards the knife drawer as Lydia interrupted him.

"No, Mark!" She giggled through her tears.

"Are you sure? It would just take a minute…"

"No," Lydia laughed, still sniffling.

"Alright…" Mark sighed before taking his sister's hand again and kissing it. "That make it feel better?"

Lydia shook her head no as she answered, "Still 'urts."

"I'm sure it'll be fine by the time we get to town."

"We see 'addy and 'adi and 'i-ole?"

"Who?" Mark asked, looking at his wife.

"She can't say Madelyn or Madison, so she calls them both Maddy. She can't manage Michael, either."

"I still don't know what Uncle Johnny and Aunt Lou were thinking. But yes," Mark turned to his sister. "We're going to see Madelyn and Madison and Michael, and you're also gonna get to meet Uncle Noah and Aunt Miriam and a few more of our cousins."

"C…u-ins?"

Mark and Cassie laughed as Lydia tried to pronounce the word.

"Cousins. More family," Mark explained. He then asked Cassie, "Speaking of cousins, where's Rachael? She can't still be asleep?"

"She said she wasn't feeling well enough to go."

"She's not coming down with anything, is she?"

"I don't know, she just said she had a headache and wanted to rest. She said she'd ride out later if she got to feeling better."

"Alright then. I'm gonna hitch the team and then we can go."

After driving to town and stabling the team at the livery, the McCains walked to the hotel where this year's Thanksgiving get-together was being held. As they entered the restaurant, Mark and Cassie realized they were one of the last families to arrive. Seeing a couple she didn't recognize at the opposite end of the room, Cassie turned to Mark.

"Is that them?"

"It sure is."

Mark and Cassie started making their way towards the couple, Daniel in Mark's arms and Lydia holding Cassie's hand. The man was the first to see them, a broad smile crossing his face.

"Mark, boy, have you changed!"

"Good to see you, Uncle Noah." Mark gave a smile as he shook his uncle's hand, then turned towards his aunt, who pulled him into a hug. "Aunt Miriam, it's good to see you, too."

"You sure did sprout up! And who's this?"

"Uncle Noah, Aunt Miriam, this is my wife, Cassie."

"It's a pleasure to meet you."

"My, you have such a beautiful family. And what's your name?" Miriam asked, coming down to Lydia's level.

"...Idia," she bashfully replied.

"It's Lydia; we're still working on the L's," Cassie explained.

"She's so precious, and the spitting image of you, Cassie."

Mark and Cassie looked at Miriam, then each other, then Lydia before breaking out in laughter.

"Aunt Miriam," Mark chuckled, "Lydia's my sister."

Noah and Miriam looked at each other before joining the couple's laughter.

"I'm sorry for assuming. Now is this one yours, or another sibling?" She asked, gesturing to Daniel.

"Daniel's ours," Cassie replied, trying to stifle her laughter.

"I guess it's been longer than I remember since we've written. Pa got remarried a few years ago…" Mark quieted, not sure how his uncle would respond.

"It's alright, Mark, I'm glad he's happy. Margaret would have wanted it. Johnny told us about him getting remarried and that your Pa and Milly are in Vendix; he just happened to miss the part about you having a sibling."

"How's the farm?"

"It's going. Though I'm losing help left and right with everyone goin' off and getting married. Rees and Faith are the only ones still at home."

"Are they here?"

"Rees is around her somewhere, probably still trying to show off his gun to Johnny. Faith wanted to stay with Maggie and Trent for the holiday."

"Well I'm glad the three of you could make it. Have you already been introduced to everyone?"

"We met the former marshal and the preacher and his family, but that's it."

"We better get busy then, or we're gonna be here all night!"

Mark introduced Noah and Miriam to the other guests while Cassie went to help in the kitchen.

Over the meal, Mark spent a good amount of time catching up with his uncle, aunt, and cousin. Mark noticed that Rees seemed to want to ask something, but every time he opened his mouth, Noah shot his son a look.

As things started to settle down that afternoon, the men started putting the restaurant back in order as the women did the dishes. When the tables and chairs had all been moved back, Mark invited his cousin to come with him as he hitched up the team.

"So Rees, you like the farm?"

"Not really. I'd rather be out in California, but Pa needs help and I ain't never gonna get out there."

"You can always dream."

"Yeah. I thought I might have a chance when Grandpa died. He left us some money, but by the time it got split up between us all, there wasn't much."

"I'm glad to hear there was some. To be honest, I didn't wonder if he had sent anything your way until long after he had died and we left Oklahoma."

"You were there?" Rees asked in surprise.

"Yeah, Cassie and I made a trip to visit some family and he died while we were out there." Seeing the look on Rees's face, Mark went on, "...What's wrong?"

"... I'm just surprised that… well… that you actually talked to the man. Pa won't say what, but I get the feeling he did something real bad to the family. Pa said everyone disowned him… we aren't really allowed to bring him up."

"...I don't blame your Pa."

"You know what happened, then?"

"Your Pa should be the one to tell you."

"Like that's gonna happen…"

"It's complicated, Rees. One day, he'll come around. Until then, I suggest you respect his wishes and not bring it up… it's gotta be hard living with that."

"Living with what, though?"

"Just let it go, for now."

Rees finally shrugged it off before changing the subject.

"Pa told me not to ask, but I gotta know. Is it true that you single-handedly brought down a whole gang?"

"Where did you hear a thing like that?"

"Well like I said, I want to be out in California, but that's not happening anytime soon. So I got a subscription to the San Francisco Star, and about this time last year an article came out about you and your Pa…"

"That article didn't say anything about the Hawz gang, though."

"Well not the first one, but the follow-ups did."

"Follow-ups?"

"Yeah, there was one about you catching two brothers who were wanted by the law, another about that gang, another about you breaking up some Shanghai ring…"

Mark stood there, staring at his cousin in bewilderment.

"So it's not true?" Rees asked, seeing Mark's face.

"Well… I mean… those things happened, but I definitely didn't take down the Hawz gang on my own. I had plenty of help."

"What about those two brothers?"

"I was stranded in the woods overnight with a pregnant woman and her daughter. The Ketchums got themselves lost in the woods and I found them by accident. I didn't even know who they were."

"But you still brought them in. What about the Shanghai-"

"Rees, I'd rather not talk about it. Those were situations I really wish I hadn't been in."

"You're practically a hero!"

Mark turned and sternly looked at his cousin, but his face softened as he realized he hadn't been much different at fifteen.

"Rees, I'm no hero." Mark put a hand on his cousin's shoulder and directed him to sit down on a hay bale. "I just got lucky a few times and the press likes to make a big deal out of it. And if I ever get my hands on whoever released those reports at the Marshals Service…"

"But what about-"

"There aren't any buts about it. I'm an ordinary person just like everyone else; I just happened to get caught in a few scrapes. If you really want to see a hero, you can head back over to the hotel and you'll find plenty of them there."

"What do you mean?"

"Doc, Uncle Johnny, your Pa, Reverend Graft, Tom, Micah… they all served in the war. Both Doc Burrages are heroes, saving people's lives, exposing themselves to all sorts of illnesses and diseases just to help others. We wouldn't be talking today if it wasn't for Doc Burrage. Or Ned, for that matter."

"Your brother-in-law?"

Mark nodded.

"He saved my life once. I would've ended up with a bullet through my head if it wasn't for him."

"What happened?"

"I'll tell you some other time. But the point is, those are the real heroes. I'm just a man with a rifle who gets himself into way too much trouble. Trouble that isn't as glamorous as the newspaper makes it seem. I've come real close to dying, Rees, and it's not fun. What you read in the paper are just stories to you, but it's real life for me. You read it in five minutes and maybe get excited because the good guy beat the bad guy. But you don't get to experience the weeks of riding in the saddle, worrying about your family, getting shot, and then having to deal with the months of aftermath. And that does a real disservice to everyone reading those stories, because it makes everything seem so fun and exciting without presenting the real consequences that come from those situations. ...Do you get what I'm saying?"

"...That no one really goes riding off into the sunset?"

"Right."

"Guess I should've listened to Pa and not brought it up."

"I'm glad you did, or we wouldn't have been able to talk about it."

"...Can I ask you about one thing?"

"Maybe, what is it?"

"Is it true you saved a senator's life?"

Mark threw his hands up in the air as he declared, "How do people get their hands on these stories?"

**4MC4**

Two weeks later, Mark woke up and entered the front room to see his sister standing on the couch, looking out the window. He walked towards her and sat down before pulling her into his lap.

"Just what are you doing up this early?"

Lydia crawled out of Mark's lap and stood, leaning on the back of the couch again.

"Me waiting."

"For what?"

"Mama Papa."

"Lydia, they're not coming home today."

"When?"

"I don't know, but they'll wire as soon as the doctor says Ma can come home."

"Me wait."

Mark heavily sighed as he shook his head and stood. He put on his boots, hat, and coat before grabbing his rifle.

"You steer clear of the fire, understand?"

Lydia nodded, still staring out the window.

Mark did the chores in his own barn before walking down the hill to his parents' barn. As he worked, several memories came to mind. He remembered all the long talks, all the early mornings, the late nights, the guests that had stayed there, the nights he had spent there. He remembered watching his Pa work in that barn day after day, year after year, and wanting to grow up to be just like him.

When Mark returned to the house he found Cassie fixing breakfast and Daniel beside Lydia, both staring out the window. Mark walked up behind his wife and wrapped his arms around her before giving her a kiss on the neck.

"Good morning."

Cassie looked over her shoulder and kissed Mark, a smile growing on her face. Cassie turned around in Mark's arms and wrapped her arms around his neck, continuing the kiss. Finally parting, Cassie started to turn, but Mark stopped her with another kiss.

"If you don't let me go, I'm going to burn your breakfast," Cassie finally commented.

Mark gave his wife one last kiss before allowing her to turn around in his arms again.

"...Where's Rachael? She's usually in here complaining about our kissing by now."

"...I thought she was helping you. She's not in her room."

"No, I haven't seen her."

Mark double checked Rachael's room before walking out onto the back porch and looking around.

"Maybe she's down the hill?" Cassie suggested as Mark walked back into the kitchen.

"I'll go check."

Mark headed towards his parents' home and made his way inside. He noticed that Rachael's bedroom door ajar and walked inside to find his cousin standing in front of the mirror.

"What are you doing down here?"

Rachael panicked as Mark entered the room. She quickly pulled her sleeve back down and started rummaging through her dresser drawer until finally pulling out a few hair ribbons.

"Just looking for these. I… I lost some on the range the other day."

"...Speaking of which, do you want to come out today or stay home with Cassie?"

"I'll help Cassie around here."

"Alright. Breakfast will be ready soon."

"Thanks."

Mark returned to his home, soon followed by Rachael.

After breakfast, Rachael and Cassie said goodbye to Mark as he left to check on the cattle. They worked around the house, Cassie noticing that Rachael didn't seem to be herself. She tried to get Rachael to talk, but Rachael didn't seem interested in making conversation.

After lunch Cassie tried putting Lydia down for a nap, but the toddler was putting up quite a fight.

"Lydia, you need your nap," Cassie insisted.

"But me wait."

"Lydia, you can go back to the window like you always do after your nap. But you need to rest."

"But Mama…"

"If they come home, I'll wake you up. Now go to sleep."

Seeing the look in Cassie's eye, Lydia finally gave in.

Cassie returned to the front room, shutting the bedroom door behind her.

"Have you or Mark heard anything?"

"Not since Thanksgiving. ...I'm starting to worry."

"Uncle Lucas would tell us if things got really bad though, wouldn't he?"

"...I think so… I would hope so."

"Cassie… do you… do you think Aunt Milly is going to… to die?"

Cassie reached out and put her hand on Rachael's, giving it a slight squeeze.

"No, Rachael, I don't. Aunt Milly's strong and you know how good Mark said she was doing when he went to visit."

"...But that was over a month ago and they're still not home."

"We just need to give it some more time." Cassie hesitated before continuing. "...Rachael, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? I'm worried about Aunt Milly."

"There's more to it than that. You haven't been yourself for weeks… you've been secluding yourself, and I'm worried about you."

"... I'm just worried, that's all. We're all worried, we're all tired, and-"

"Alright. But if you ever want to talk about it, whatever's really bothering you, you know we're here for you."

"The laundry should be done drying."

Cassie shook her head as she watched Rachael walk to the fireplace and start folding laundry.

When Lydia woke up from her nap, she immediately returned to the couch and continued looking out the window. When Daniel woke, he joined her for a few minutes before crawling down and playing with his blocks on the floor. Lydia finally gave up and joined Daniel, helping him build a tower.

The sun was setting as Cassie put supper on the table and a knock sounded at the door. Wiping her hands on her apron, Cassie crossed the room and opened the door.

"You wouldn't be willing to help out two weary travelers, would you?"

"Papa! Mama!"

As Cassie opened the door to let Lucas and Milly inside, Lydia ran towards Milly, who scooped her daughter up in her arms and held her tight.

"Welcome home!" Cassie exclaimed as she gave Lucas, then Milly a hug. "Rachael, come out here!"

Rachael came out from her bedroom to see Lucas and Milly standing in front of her. She hurried to give them both a hug.

"Why didn't you send word?" Cassie asked.

"We thought we'd surprise you," Milly answered as Lydia reached for Lucas and gave him a hug.

"When did you get in?"

"Just a few hours ago," Lucas replied. "Took us a while to get out of town."

"Well you're just in time for supper; I'm sure you're starving."

"Go ahead a serve up, I'm going to take care of the horses. Mark in the barn?"

"As far as I know he's still out on the range."

"This late?"

"...He was working the edge of the south pasture, he probably lost track of time."

Lucas went outside to take care of the team before joining everyone else for supper. There was lots of laughter as the family made up for lost time, but the later it got, the more concerned the family became about Mark's absence. Finally, Lucas stood and started putting his coat on.

"You said the south pasture, Cassie?"

Cassie nodded in reply, worry in her eyes.

"Why don't you put some coffee on? I think we'll both need it when we get back."

Cassie nodded again before Lucas put his hat on his head, grabbed his rifle, and headed outside. Upon reaching his own barn, Lucas saddled Razor, who was happy to see his owner.

"Missed you too, boy."

Lucas mounted up and started riding, hoping to see Mark coming over a rise any minute. Much to his dismay, Lucas reached the fence marking their property line without seeing any sign of his son. He continued to ride the fence line, keeping his eyes peeled for his son or any indication of trouble.

As Lucas came to a damaged section of fence on the edge of a canyon wall, he noticed his son's horse about ten yards off. Coming closer to the fence, Lucas realized some of it was hanging over the edge of the wall.

"Mark?" Lucas dismounted and worriedly looked around. "Mark?"

"P… Pa?"

Lucas could hear the surprise and confusion in his son's voice as he ran to the ridge and looked down to see Mark on a ledge below. Mark was lying in a fetal position, pressed as close to the wall as he could be.

"Mark, are you alright?"

"...Pa, is that you?"

"It's me. Can you move?"

"Yeah… I can move." Mark slightly sat up as he replied, holding his right hand to his left shoulder.

"I'm going to get a rope around Razor and pull you up. Stay where you are."

"It's not like I'm going anywhere…"

Lucas ran back to Razor and tied his lasso to the saddle horn before throwing the other end down to Mark. He mounted Razor, and after making sure Mark was holding on, started riding forward. Once he saw Mark's hand come up over the ledge, Lucas tied Razor off and ran back to pull his son up.

Mark felt his Pa's hand take hold of his and fought against the pain as he grabbed his Pa's forearm with his left hand. Lucas pulled his son over the edge and into his arms as Mark leaned back against his Pa's chest, both breathing a sigh of relief.

After a moment, Mark opened his eyes and looked up at Lucas.

"It sure is good to see you," Mark slightly chuckled. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? What were you doing down there?!"

"Oh, you know, thought my own bed was a little too comfortable and wanted to try something different."

Lucas rolled his eyes before giving a brief laugh.

"Can you walk?"

"I think so; my shoulder took the brunt of it."

Lucas helped Mark up before they went to get BlueBoy and Razor. As they walked, Lucas noticed Mark slightly limping.

"Do something to your ankle?"

"No, it's my hip, just a little sore."

Lucas helped Mark into the saddle before mounting his own horse.

"Pa, if you're here, does that mean Ma's home?"

Lucas nodded with a smile.

"We thought we'd surprise all of you. I'm sure glad we came home when we did."

"That makes two of us."

"So besides trying to find new sleeping arrangements, just what were you doing down there?"

"A stray bull sent me over. I didn't do anything to intimidate it, he just charged me for no reason."

"Do you think you should see Doc?"

"Naw… I'm just gonna be sore for a while."

"How long were you down there?"

"I don't know… four, five hours maybe. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't help falling asleep for a while. To be honest, I thought I was dreaming when I first heard your voice."

"I'm glad the ledge caught you."

"Me and you both. ...How's Ma?"

"As far as the doctor knows, everything checked out alright. He didn't have any concerns and said things should be fine from here on out."

"Is she still in a wheelchair?"

"No, they wouldn't release her until she was up and around on her own. That's why we were delayed so long."

"I sure am glad to have you both finally back home. I missed ya, Pa."

"I missed you too, Son."

When Mark and Lucas returned to the homestead, Cassie came running outside and wrapped her arms around her husband as soon as he dismounted, causing Mark to let out a loud groan.

"Mark?" Cassie worriedly asked, stepping back.

"Just a little sore… I got pushed through a fence and over a canyon wall."

"You what?!"

"I'll be fine."

"Mark, I'll take care of the horses, you go in and warm up."

"Thanks, Pa."

"How far did you fall?"

"I don't know… eight, ten feet."

Cassie quickly got Mark inside where he was bombarded with questions from his wife, cousin, sister, and mother.

"Mark, you 'urt?"

"What happened?"

"Are you alright?"

"Should we send for Doc?"

"Hold on," Mark finally said. He turned towards Milly before giving her a hug. "Ma, it's good to see you."

"This is some welcome home!"

"I planned it special, just for you."

Everyone gave a slight chuckle as the worry and tension in the room dissipated. As Cassie tended to Mark's scratches and bruises, he answered everyone's questions about what had exactly happened.

Lucas came in as Cassie was finishing up and poured himself a cup of coffee before refilling Mark's.

"Mark, do you know which bull it was?"

"I'm pretty sure it was one of the younger ones, but other than that I'm not really positive… it happened so fast."

"I'll go out tomorrow and see if I can't find it and figure out what's wrong. Have you seen any signs of wolves around here lately?"

"Wolves?" Cassie asked in confusion.

"If he got bit by a wolf that had rabies, that might explain why he attacked me for no reason. I saw some tracks a few weeks ago, Pa, but nothing recent. I'll help you look in the morning."

"You'll do no such thing!" Cassie and Milly declared.

"I fell a few feet, I didn't break anything."

"Do you know how lucky you were that you _didn't _break anything?" Milly asked.

"That's no reason to stay off the range. I'll be fine."

Cassie and Milly looked to Lucas, who shrugged his shoulders.

"Mark knows his limits."

"I'll be fine."

The family spent a few more hours talking before everyone turned in for the evening. As Lucas and Milly were getting ready for bed, Milly voiced her concerns about Mark working the following day.

"Don't worry, he won't be working the cattle tomorrow," Lucas assured.

"Then why did you go along with it when we were up the hill?"

"Because I didn't feel like arguing about it. But believe me, Mark's going to be so sore tomorrow I doubt he'll be able to pull himself out of bed."

The next morning, Lucas went up the hill to check on Mark. He briefly knocked on the door before letting himself inside. Mark and Cassie's bedroom door was open and Lucas could see Cassie applying ointment to Mark's bruises, Mark grimacing in pain.

"Ready to go, Son?" Lucas teased with a gleam in his eye.

Mark looked up and realized Lucas had known this was coming all along.

"...Like you said, Pa, I know my limits."

"I'll see you tonight."

**5MC5**

A few days later, Lucas made a trip into town to see John Hamilton at the bank.

"Lucas, good to see you," Hamilton greeted as the rancher entered the building. "I've been meaning to get out to your place since I heard you got back. Take a seat."

Lucas sat down at the desk across from John, not looking forward to the conversation he knew he needed to have.

"Mark told me how poorly the cattle did and when I took a look at the ledger…" Lucas let out a heavy sigh. "I know the account has to be wearing thin by now. If you give me just a little more time, I'll come up with the money for the next payment."

"Lucas…"

"I know you're just trying to do your job, but I'm asking for an extra week, just this once."

"Lucas," John said, a little more firmly. "You don't have anything to worry about. You could pay of the loan now if you wanted to."

"What are you talking about? You know I don't have that kind of money."

"Yes, you do. A month or two ago someone wired twenty-five hundred dollars to your account."

Lucas sat there, blankly staring at the banker.

"...Did I hear you right?"

"Two thousand, five hundred dollars."

"But how… who was it?"

"It came from Roswell, but that's all we know. There was a note…"

"What did it say?"

John rummaged through his desk before handing the wire to Lucas.

"Thanks for saving my life…" Lucas looked up at John in bewilderment. "But who… I don't know anyone from Roswell, let alone someone I saved the life of. "

"Well apparently you saved someone's life and whoever it is, they're very grateful to be alive. Do you want to go ahead and pay off the loan?"

"John, I can't accept this."

"You don't really have a choice."

"But who-"

"Lucas, I don't know who sent this to you and I doubt you're ever going to find out. You just need to be thankful they did. ...I certainly wasn't looking forward to the possibility of having to foreclose."

Lucas sat there, dumbfounded. John chuckled and shook his head at his friend.

"Do you want to go ahead and pay it off?"

"...Yes, of course. ...Are you sure you don't have any idea who it could be?"

"I haven't the faintest idea."

"Could we contact the bank in Roswell and find out?"

"The bank will respect this person's privacy and won't give out their information."

"But… John, did you have something to do with this?"

"I wish I had, but no, I didn't."

As John started getting the paperwork together, he chuckled at Lucas who sat there, shaking his head.

"Twenty-five hundred dollars..."

**6MC6**

Christmas passed and the new year began, the people of North Fork looking forward to the opportunities it would bring.

One Sunday towards the beginning of February, Reverend Graft entered the church to find someone sitting in the pews.

"...Charlotte, is that you?"

The young woman turned around and gave a hesitant smile.

"I'm sorry, Reverend, I wasn't expecting anyone to be here this early."

"I was just getting ready for the service this morning. I can give you some more time alone if you'd like."

"No, that's alright. ...Reverend Graft, can I ask you a question?"

The reverend sat down across from Charlotte and nodded.

"...A friend of mine told me something in confidence and I don't want to break this person's trust, but… I'm worried about them. I don't know how to get through to them and I know someone who might be able to, but… I just don't know if I should say something or not."

"It really depends on the subject matter. Does it affect more people than the friend in question?"

"...In a roundabout way. ...It would if things end up the way I think they might."

"Would the other people involved get hurt?"

"...Very much so."

"Seeing as how I don't know the whole story, I can't give you a black and white answer. It sounds to me like you might need to involve someone else, but that's merely my opinion."

"...After the service, could you do me a favor?"

Reverend Graft was greeting the congregation after his sermon when the McCain family walked up. He shook Lucas and Mark's hands as he thanked the families for being there.

"Mark, I was wondering if I could get you to stay a few minutes before heading to your aunt and uncle's, I need help with something."

"Sure thing." Mark turned to the rest of his family as he went on, "I'll be over as soon as I'm done here."

Mark took a seat on one of the back pews and waited for the reverend to finish with the congregation and send his own family on without him. Finally shutting the door, Reverend Graft approached Mark, motioning to someone across the room. Mark turned to see Charlotte making her way towards them.

"Charlotte asked me to get you to stay so she could talk to you. I'll be straightening the hymn books if either of you need anything."

Mark stood as Charlotte came up before they both took a seat. Looking into Charlotte's face, Mark knew something was troubling the young woman.

"Charlotte, what's wrong?"

"You can't tell her I told you; she would never talk to me again if she found out."

"She who?"

"Please, Mark, promise."

"I promise. What's the matter?"

"It's Rachael. I've known for a long time, but… I didn't want to say anything. I thought she would stop, I thought she would get better. But she's getting worse and I'm worried about her."

"You know what's going on with her, then?"

"...I know how much almost losing Mrs. McCain scared her… I know she misses her own mother terribly… I know the things her father did to them still haunts her, though she never goes into detail."

"And?" Mark asked, knowing there was more.

"She… Mark, Rachael cuts herself."

Mark sat there for a brief moment, staring at Charlotte.

"...What exactly do you mean?"

"A few months ago… she told me that sometimes the pain gets to be too much to handle… she says it's the only way she can manage to get her mind of it. ...She said it was easier to deal with the physical pain. This went on for a few weeks before she promised me she would stop. But when she spent the night a few weeks ago… I saw fresh scratches on her arm. She wouldn't talk about it." Tears welled in Charlotte's eyes as she continued, "I'm worried about her, Mark. And as horrible as the thought is… I'm worried she might… might try to… to kill herself. I didn't know what else to do besides talk to you… you might be the only person that can get through to her… she says you're like a big brother to her."

Mark sat back, concern growing on his face as the words sunk in.

"...Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn't an easy choice for you to make."

"What are you going to do?"

"...I'm not exactly sure, but I'll find a way to get through to her."

"I tried talking to her, but… Mark she's just become so distant. I'm scared and...I feel like a horrible friend… I should've noticed sooner… I should've been someone she could talk to instead of-"

"Charlotte, this isn't your fault. You did what you could, but it's not your job to try to "fix" everything. Again, I appreciate you letting me know. Rachael's lucky to have a friend like you who was willing to speak up."

"...If there's anything I can do, please let me know."

"I will."

"...I best be going. Ma and Pa are going to start wondering what became of me."

Mark stood and walked Charlotte to the door before closing it behind her. He turned as Reverend Graft walked up to him.

"...How much did you hear?"

"Charlotte hadn't told me anything this morning, so I figured it would be best to keep my mind preoccupied. If you do need anything, however, I am here."

"Thanks. You ready to head over?"

"Right behind you."

Mark and Reverend Graft joined their families at the Gibbs' home. While Mark tried to act like nothing was wrong, the burden of what he had just been told weighed heavily on him.

That night, Cassie woke to see a faint glow from a lantern underneath the door. She grabbed her robe and stepped into the front room to see Mark in his chair, reading from his Bible.

"Mark?"

Mark looked up to see Cassie standing in the doorway, concern on her face.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No…" Cassie stepped closer and put a hand on Mark's shoulder. "You've been acting strange ever since you got back from helping Reverend Graft. Is everything alright?"

Mark closed the Bible and put it aside before taking Cassie's hand and pulling her into his lap. He rested his head against hers, letting out a heavy sigh.

"...Cassie, I don't like keeping things from you. I don't want to keep things from you. But… like my worries with Pa back in October… well, I need to deal with the person before I tell you about it."

"...I understand."

"I will tell you as soon as I can, if I can."

Cassie turned and gave Mark a kiss on the cheek.

"As long as you're alright, I'm not concerned about you telling me. You've just seemed so… worried."

"...I am, but I'm praying it'll all turn out alright."

"Mark, you're not in any danger, are you?"

"No, I promise."

"...Would you tell me if you were?"

"You know I would. I told you about Bryce and Pete's intentions, didn't I?"

Cassie nodded as she rested her head on Mark's shoulder.

"I promised the day I asked you to marry me that I'd never give you a reason not to trust me. I'm gonna stand by that for the rest of my life."

Cassie smiled as the memories of that day came back to her.

"I love you, Mark, and I trust you."

**7MC7**

The next morning, Mark and Cassie were just getting out of bed when they heard a knock on the front door before someone came inside.

"Mark? Cassie?"

Hearing the urgency in Lucas's voice, Mark ran to the bedroom door and opened it.

"Pa, what's the matter?"

"It's Rachael, we found this in the kitchen this morning and can't find her anywhere, Liberty's even missing from her stall."

Mark read aloud the note Lucas handed to him.

"Uncle Lucas and Aunt Milly,

I'm sorry to leave like this, but there's something I have to take care of. Something I have to do alone. Thank you both for everything you've done for me and not only giving me a home, but a family. I love you all and am going to miss you a great deal.

Rachael."

Mark and Cassie both looked up at Lucas, not wanting to believe it.

"...If she took Liberty, can you make her tracks out?"

"It hasn't stopped snowing since last night. Whatever tracks she made have been covered."

"What could she possibly need to take care of that would warrant this?" Cassie asked.

As Lucas explained that he didn't know, worry welled inside of Mark. ...What if she was going to try to kill herself?

"Pa, I'll be ready to help you start looking in five minutes."

Lucas and Mark spent the entire morning looking around the ranch before returning home. After warming up for a few minutes and getting something to eat, father and son mounted up again and started towards town.

No one had seen any sign of Rachael, and the two men were becoming increasingly worried.

They stood in the hotel lobby, both at a loss for what to do. Finally, Lucas turned towards his son.

"I'm going to ride home and see if by some chance she's there. You want to check around here some more?"

Mark nodded and said goodbye to his Pa as Lucas left the building. His worried thoughts were interrupted when Ned and Helen entered the lobby from Lou's office.

"Mark, what brings you out here?"

"Rachael's missing. She left a note for Ma and Pa and took off. Either of you seen her?"

"No," Helen answered as she shook her head.

Ned started to say the same thing, but stopped himself.

"What is it?"

"...Last night while I was doing the rounds… I saw someone about Rachael's height and build at the train depot. I didn't think much of it… they were wearing jeans and had a horse… I just figured it was some drifter."

"What time?"

"Shortly before midnight."

"Thanks."

Mark ran from the hotel to the train station, running up to the ticket booth.

"The midnight express, where was it headed?"

"Denver."

"What trains would be headed out of there?"

The man laughed, shaking his head.

"Do you know how many trains run out of Denver every day?"

"Do you have a list?"

The man turned and rummaged through some papers before handing a sheet to Mark.

"You looking for anything in particular?"

Finding what he was looking for, Mark handed the list back to the man.

"Never mind that, who was working last night?"

"Charles."

"He head home when you relieved him?"

"Naw, he headed for the saloon."

Mark quickly made his way over to the Sweeney's and saw Charles sitting at a corner table, a half empty bottle of whiskey in front of him.

"Charles?"

The man looked up to see Mark sitting down across from him.

"Marrrk w...whaaat arrre y...youuu-"

"Last night, midnight train, did Rachel get a ticket?"

"W...who?"

"Rachael, my cousin. Brown hair, comes up to my shoulders. She would've had a horse with her."

"I… I dooon't kno-ow…"

The man started to put his head down, but Mark grabbed his shirt collar.

"Charles, think!"

"Sh...she the ooone al...always wear… wearin' p… pan… paaan-ts?"

"She would've been last night."

"Mmmaaybeee…. ye… yeah… we… went str… straaaaight th… throu-ough taaa Dennn-veeeer."

Mark left the saloon and ran back to the ticket booth.

"When does the next train for Denver leave?"

The man turned to look at his schedule, then the clock.

"Seven minutes."

Mark paid for the ticket and what it would cost to have BlueBoy ride in the stock car before running to the marshal's office.

"Any sign?" Johnny asked as his nephew entered the office.

"She left town on the midnight train." Mark walked to the desk and grabbed a piece of scrap paper before writing a note. "I need you to give this to Pa, I don't have time to catch up with him."

"But-"

"He can't be more than five minutes out of town. Sorry, Uncle Johnny, but I got to go. I'll explain when I get back!"

"Mark?"

Ignoring his uncle's calls, Mark ran back to the train station and got BlueBoy situated in the stock car before boarding.

As the train pulled away from North Fork, dozens of thoughts ran through Mark's head. He regretted not talking to Rachael the night before; he wondered if he should have said something to his Pa. He wondered why he hadn't seen this coming and wished he would have been paying more attention.

Mark settled into his seat, but found it difficult to relax. He observed the various passengers in the car as they got off and on the train at various stops; a groan escaping his lips when he saw Scott Wilson enter the car.

"Mr. McCain," the newspaperman declared in surprise as he sat down across from the rancher. "I'm surprised to see you here."

"A man's gotta right to ride the train."

"So he does. I'm on my way back from Albuquerque, the Governor is speaking in Santa Fe this afternoon on statehood. I'm somewhat curious, what are your thoughts on the matter?"

"Mr. Wilson, it doesn't matter what I think. It matters what the people do. If the people keep electing politicians that judge people by the color of their skin, statehood will never be achieved. If the people on Washington spent time getting to know the people instead of judging from the outside, they would find that New Mexico is just like any other territory, or state, for that matter."

"So you are in favor of statehood yourself?"

"Aren't you?"

"I can see both sides of the argument."

"For nearly fifty years we've been promised that statehood would be granted at the proper time, and while we exceed the requirements to become a state, we continue to maintain our status as only a territory of the United States. We contribute to the American economy as much as any state, we pay our share in taxes, we support and contribute to federal law enforcement, as well as the army. People are afraid of what they don't understand, and the politicians don't understand the way of life that New Mexico embodies. But if they took the time to understand it, they would come to see that it's not all that different from the way things were in the States when America began."

"What would you say to those who argue that New Mexico is too violent to be admitted to the Union?"

"New Mexico has its share of crime and violence, but no more than Texas did when she was admitted. If New Mexico was admitted, we would have the resources needed to get the crime and violence under control. We're doing the best we can with the resources available to us, but if New Mexico became a state, crime rates would considerably drop. This is something we've seen happen over and over again as more and more territories becomes states."

"And to those who say the United States has no business governing New Mexico?"

"New Mexico would never survive as its own entity. We need some governing force or it would merely become a haven for outlaws."

"So how do think the people of New Mexico are supposed to achieve statehood?""

"By being law-abiding, upstanding citizens. By writing to those in congress, showing them that we're serious when it comes to getting our star added to the American flag. The politicians need to know about the thousands of families here in New Mexico, all striving to be a part of, "We the people;" all striving to be a part of the United States of America."

"You ever thought about going into politics, Mr. McCain?"

"It's not for me. I wouldn't survive a week in the…" Mark suddenly stopped, realizing that what he had considered a casual conversation had just given Mr. Wilson an interview. He shook his head as he finished his statement. "...city."

"Are you originally from New Mexico?"

"...Are you asking as a reporter?"

The man shook his head and chuckled.

"Just as a fellow traveler."

"I was born in Oklahoma, we moved around for a few years until settling in New Mexico. What about you?"

"Born and raised here."

"You have a family, Mr. Wilson?"

"Scott's fine. Married, no children yet, but we're hoping for that to change. You have two youngsters, don't you?"

Mark laughed before replying, "Just the boy, Daniel. The little girl you saw with us is my sister."

"...And the young lady…?"

"My cousin. She lives with my parents, who were out of town at the time you were in North Fork."

"That explains a few things," the reporter chuckled before becoming more serious again. "...I have to ask, what set you so against agreeing to that gunfight?"

Mark thought for a few moments, sifting through the many experiences he had as a child.

"...It was several things. First and foremost, I know I'm not a perfect shot. If I hadn't hit his wrist, I might have killed him. There's nothing glamorous about death, no matter who's dying. I don't want to kill anybody. Secondly, I hadn't seen the man in five years. My Pa constantly reminded me growing up that there's always someone better. I was fairly confident that I could still outshoot him, but there was that chance. A year ago, my wife thought she had watched me die. I wasn't going to willfully put her or the rest of my family through that again. And the third reason, like I told Paul, it never ends. You outshoot one fast gun and another one is right around the corner to challenge you. I saw it happen too many times to my Pa and other people. Technically, it's why I was even in that situation. Word had spread about that shooting contest in Lordsburg, and one of the next best guns, Bryce Perry, wanted to challenge me. It's a vicious, never ending cycle."

"So why agree at all? After all, the first gunfight wasn't your fault."

Mark took in a deep breath before slowly letting it out.

"I'm making myself clear right here, right now. I don't want to publicize this, and I don't ever want to see my family associated with that miserable nickname people have conjured up."

"I promise, this is all off the record."

"They threatened my wife. Perry's cohort was standing behind her the entire time with a hand on his gun. I didn't have a choice."

"...I had no idea."

"And I suppose that's my fourth reason for not wanting to agree. We all have weaknesses, my family is mine. I feel like I'd be risking putting them in a situation like that again. Everything I do, I do to protect my family. If that means walking away when someone calls me a coward, so be it."

"...You're a man of great courage and integrity, Mr. McCain."

"All three of those labels belong to my father. Mark is fine."

Mark and Scott continued conversation until it was time for Mr. Wilson to get off. As the man left the car, Mark found himself surprised at how much he had enjoyed the man's company.

However, as the train continued farther down the track, Mark's thoughts turned back to Rachael. He continued to worry, hope, and pray as the sun slowly sank behind the country hills.

When the train finally arrived in Denver, Mark found a spot to hitch BlueBoy until he could get information on when the next train headed into Utah territory was supposed to leave. He impatiently waited in the long line for the ticket counter, growing frustrated with every minute that passed. Finally, Mark stepped up to one of the clerks.

"How can I help you, Sir?"

"When does your next train to Salt Lake City leave?"

"I'm sorry, but it most likely won't be until tomorrow afternoon or evening."

"Most likely?"

The man lowered his voice as he answered, "There was an accident this morning. The ten o'clock train derailed; it took several hours for them to find out something had gone wrong and even longer to find where it derailed. It's going to take a lot of time and manpower to clear the track."

Mark's heart started pounding as his mind reeled.

"Were there any trains before the accident that made it through?"

"No, the ten o'clock was it."

"Was anyone hurt?"

"Please, keep your voice down."

"Was anyone hurt?!"

"There were several injuries as well as… a few fatalities."

"Do you know who?"

"They're still trying to account for and identify all the passengers. It will be quite a while until we have details. If you would like, you can wait…"

Mark didn't let the man finish. He ran back to where he had left BlueBoy and rode out of town, headed for the Utah border.

**8MC8**

"Lucas, hold up!"

Lucas pulled on Razor's reins and turned around to see his brother-in-law riding towards him.

"Johnny?"

The marshal pulled his horse up next to Lucas and handed him Mark's note.

"Mark asked me to give this to you. He said Rachael left town on the midnight train and that he'd explain when he got back."

Lucas opened the folded piece of paper and read the note Mark had written.

"Pa,

Had to catch a train out of town. Will wire as I can and explain everything when we get home. Please tell Cassie I'm sorry."

Lucas looked up at Johnny in confusion.

"Did he say where he was going?"

"No, he didn't. You have any idea where Rachael might be headed?"

"If I did, Mark and I would've headed that direction first thing this morning."

"What about the Pinkertons? Rachael's been talking about them for a while now."

"Last night's express would've been headed towards Denver; it's completely the wrong direction."

"At least Mark's on her trail."

"I just wish I was with him."

Johnny could hear the guilt in Lucas's voice.

"She's a grown woman, Lucas, it's not your fault that she left or your responsibility to go looking for her. ...She did make the choice to leave."

"I have an obligation to Klarissa to watch out for her little girl."

"...Lucas, don't play games with yourself. Rachael's more than Klarissa's little girl. She's been like a daughter to you and… and at some point, you're going to have to let her go. They have to grow up at some point and time."

"...The problem is, Rachael grew up before her time. It… it made her a strong woman, but… at times, it leaves her willing to take risks that could end up hurting her. I… Johnny, I've tried to be there for her, I've tried to raise her the way Krissy would have wanted… and I failed."

"You didn't fail, Lucas. Rachael has grown and matured a lot these last few years. You and Milly have helped mold her into the beautiful young woman she's become. But we all have things that we have to face, and sometimes it's best to face them alone."

"She should know better than to do this… she knows how dangerous it is. Going off to who knows where by herself…"

"Mark's right behind her, Lucas. I'm sure everything will be alright."

Lucas let out a heavy sigh.

"...Thanks for bringing me the note. I better get on home and let the family know."

"I'll be seeing you, Lucas."

Lucas returned to the ranch and explained what had occurred to Milly and Cassie.

"Lucas," Milly began, "Do you have any idea whatsoever where they could be headed?"

"With the train going to Denver, there's no telling where they're headed, too many trains run out of that station. They could be on their way to New York. All we can do is wait for Mark to wire and hope that he wires soon."

**9MC9**

It was the following afternoon when Mark finally came upon the site of the wreck. Most of the train had been cleared from the track, but Mark could see the damage that had been done. As his heart began to pound harder and faster, Mark made his way up to one of the workers.

"Excuse me?"

"Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for a young woman, a few years younger than me, brown hair, most likely wearing jeans?"

"Sorry, I'm just here to clear the debris. They took the survivors to Grand Junction."

"What… what about the passengers that didn't make it?"

"The bodies we found are over there."

Mark turned in the direction the man pointed. A lump formed in Mark's throat as he saw a large sheet covering several bodies. He forced himself to step forward, praying Rachael wasn't there. Mark slowly lifted the sheet, gagging as he looked at the bodies, breathing a sigh of relief when he didn't see Rachael.

After getting directions to Grand Junction, Mark mounted BlueBoy and rode out, arriving in the town several hours later. He stopped at the train depot and after inquiring about those who survived the wreck, was directed to the clinic where he was greeted by chaos. There were people everywhere, injured patients lining the hallways and waiting room. Not seeing anyone he could talk to, Mark started searching the clinic for Rachael, becoming more discouraged the longer her didn't find anything. As he was getting ready to enter the last room, a voice stopped him.

"Can I help you?"

Mark turned to see a doctor about his age standing in the hallway.

"My cousin was on the train from Denver that derailed, I haven't been able to find her. Brown hair, few inches shorter than you, eighteen?"

"...Doesn't sound familiar, but there's plenty of people over at the hotel. You won't find her in there, that's all storage."

"Thank you."

Mark left the clinic and walked down the street towards the hotel where he started making inquiries about Rachael. Only one person recalled seeing someone matching Rachael's description on the train, but they had no idea where she would be.

Defeated, Mark left the hotel and headed towards the livery to stable BlueBoy for the night. He paid the liveryman and started handing him BlueBoy's reins when Mark suddenly saw something out of the corner of his eye. He dropped the reins and crossed the floor, stopping in front of Liberty's stall.

"The young woman who owns this horse, do you know where she is?"

"Long gone by now," the man replied, stepping towards Mark. "Horse's leg was injured in that train wreck. She paid for a week's board and rented another horse."

Mark felt a strange mix of relief and worry as the man answered; relieved that Rachael was alive, worried that she was riding cross country by herself.

"When was this?"

"Late yesterday afternoon sometime, right after they brought all the survivors in."

Looking out the livery doors, Mark realized it was too late to do anything that night.

"Care if I bunk in your hayloft?"

"I'll do you one better than that, you can join me in the back room; there's at least a pot bellied stove to keep us warm."

"I appreciate it."

Early the next morning, Mark saddled BlueBoy and rode out of town. He didn't know what to expect from Rachael and was worried about what she might do to herself. Several hours after leaving Grand Junction, Mark came across an abandoned camp at the entrance of a cave. He didn't know for certain that it was Rachael, but he hoped it meant he was on the right track.

Late that night, Mark rode into a small town ten miles west of the Utah-Colorado border. Hearing the music emanating from the saloon, Mark urged BlueBoy forward and hitched his horse outside the establishment.

Stepping through the swinging doors, Mark saw two men sitting at a table playing cards, a pianist pounding on the keys, and a bar keep standing behind the counter, drying glasses. Mark crossed the room and sat down at the bar, putting his rifle on the counter.

"What'll it be?"

"Just water, thanks."

"Water?" The man chuckled. "You look like you've come a long way. Ya sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Suit yourself." The man grabbed a glass and started filling it as he went on, "Where you headed?"

"Here, I hope. The old Davis place, anyone live there?"

"Henry Davis?"

Mark nodded.

"It's been probably three years since anyone's set foot in that place. Family just kinda up and disappeared. No one's really sure where they went."

"Could you give me directions?"

"Well sure, but you won't find nothin' there. It's just an old, rundown shack." The man grabbed a piece of paper and started drawing Mark a map as he continued, "Just what's your interest in that dump?"

"I'm hoping to find Rachael there."

"Rachael Davis?" The man chuckled. "That little fiery thing ain't been around here since the family up and left. Shame a girl like her had to have a father like Henry Davis."

"I'll take my chances." Mark took the map from the man. "Thanks. I owe you anything?"

"It's water. Free to me, free to you."

"Thanks."

Mark left the saloon and mounted BlueBoy before following the directions the man had given him to the edge of town. He rode up to a lone, small cabin and dismounted. Mark started up the porch steps, the second step breaking underneath his weight. Standing outside the door, Mark could see a faint glow from a lantern illuminating the inside of the building. He slowly turned the doorknob and stepped inside the shack, taken aback by what he saw.

The chair, table, and bench were all turned over. Pots and pans lined the floor along with shattered plates and glasses. Books and papers littered the floor and across the room, Mark saw blood spattered against the wall. Carefully making his way to an open door, Mark saw that the bedroom much resembled the rest of the cabin. Trying to find his voice, Mark called for his cousin.

"R… Rachael?"

Grabbing the lantern, Mark left the shack through the back door and looked around the yard.

Finally in the distance, Mark saw a small figure on their knees; the moonlight glinting off the blade of the knife they held to their chest.

"Rachael!"

Mark ran towards his cousin, slowing as he knelt down beside her.

"Rachael," Mark calmly, yet firmly began, "Give me the knife."

Rachael looked up at Mark, tears streaming down her face, slowly shaking her head.

"I have to do this… I can't… I don't deserve to live… it's my fault, it's all my fault!"

"Rachael, it's not your fault!"

"Yes it is!" Rachael sobbed. "I should've been here! If I would've been here, like I was supposed to be, he wouldn't have gotten mad! If I would've been here, she wouldn't have died!"

"You can't blame yourself, Rachael!"

"It should've been me, not them! Why couldn't he have killed me?! They didn't do anything! I don't deserve to be alive! I can't live like this anymore!"

Mark grabbed Rachael's wrist and tried to pull the knife away as his cousin fought against him.

"You have to let me do this! Please, Mark!"

"Rachael, killing yourself isn't going to bring your mother back!"

"But I killed her!"

"You didn't kill her! Your father did, and there's nothing you could have done!"

"I was the reason she never left! If it hadn't been for me, she would still be alive! If it weren't for me, they would all still be alive! I killed her!"

"Rachael, you didn't kill her!"

Mark was finally able to pry the knife out of Rachael's hand and threw it away. She beat her fists against his chest, screaming that it was all her fault.

At a loss for what to do, Mark wrapped his arms tight around Rachael, pulling her as close as he could as she fought against him.

Over and over again, Mark repeated, "It's not your fault; it's going to be alright…"

Ever so slowly, Rachael stopped fighting against Mark and eventually collapsed into his lap, sobbing. He gently ran his hand up and down her back, calmly reassuring her.

"It's alright, Rachael. Let it out; let it all out..."

Rachael tried talking through her sobs, but Mark could only understand bits and pieces of what the young woman said. He sat with her for a long time before finally realizing that exhaustion had won over and that she had fallen asleep.

Mark picked Rachael up and started walking towards the cabin when a voice called to him.

"Not in there."

Mark turned to see an elderly man shuffling towards him.

"Too many memories. Please, bring her to my home."

"Who are you?"

"A friend. I'll explain more on the way. Please, my buckboard is on the road."

Mark followed the man and placed Rachael in the back of the buckboard, covering her with the blanket the man provided. Mark grabbed his rifle and tied BlueBoy and Rachael's horse to the back before climbing into the front seat beside the stranger.

"Thank you very much, Mr…?"

"Hewitt," the man answered as he slapped the reins.

"Mr. Hewitt… it's a pleasure to finally meet you. Rachael talks about you often."

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well, Mr. McCain."

"How…?"

"Rachael and I have been writing back and forth since shortly after she arrived in New Mexico."

"Did you know she was coming?"

"No, she just showed up on my doorstep yesterday evening. I naturally invited her to stay until she was ready to come out here… I just didn't figure on her going back alone. When I realized she was missing, I knew this was where she was headed. I just didn't realize what her intentions were…"

"How long were you standing there?"

"From about the time you got the knife away from her. I didn't feel like it was a good idea to interfere."

There was a long silence as Mark looked over his shoulder towards his sleeping cousin. Looking back out at the road, Mark let out a long, heavy sigh.

"Something troubling you, Son?"

"...I thought I had gotten through to her. I thought she had coped, she had adjusted… I guess I'm feeling guilty for not realizing things were as bad as they were."

"Rachael's always been a good actress. I knew her for ten years and still didn't know how much she was struggling after spending the whole day talking. She's always been able to hide what's going on inside that pretty little head of hers… but after witnessing what I did tonight, things are starting to make a lot more sense."

"What do you mean?"

"...Did you notice how she said 'they' would still be alive?"

"Not particularly… but what's your point?"

"Just who do you think she was talking about?"

"You do know she killed her father, don't you?"

"She wasn't grieving over that. You see, Mark, Klarissa became pregnant two different times while the Davis family lived here. Klarissa lost both babies because… because Henry beat her into early labor. Both times, Rachael had been out at my place when her father returned from being locked up for the weekend. I tried helping Rachael and Klarissa get away once, but Davis found them and drug them back here. Klarissa wouldn't try again after that; she said it wasn't worth the risk."

"...What was Rachael's life like?"

"...It takes a strong person to survive what she did. I don't know if a day passed that Davis didn't beat her or her mother around. But it wasn't just her home life that was a problem; Rachael had trouble at school, too. The children teased her, picked fights with her; the teacher didn't like her and never believed a word she said. She went straight from school to helping her mother with the laundry they took in as a means to some sort of income. They worked hard through the afternoons and evenings, hoping to get everything finished and supper on the table before Davis came home, usually drunk. It wasn't rare for me to hear Rachael knocking on my door in the middle of the night, bruised and bleeding. I'd fix her up best I could. She always knew she was welcome to stay with me or that I'd be willing to help her get away, but she insisted she couldn't do that to her mother. She was afraid Henry would kill Klarissa if she left."

"She more than wondered…" Mark mumbled.

"What?"

"...A year after Aunt Krissy died, Rachael and I talked about it. She said she wondered if her mother would have still been killed if she had been home. But looking back… I think she did more than wonder. She blamed herself… she still blames herself for Aunt Krissy's death because she wasn't there when her father got home. She's been blaming herself this entire time… and I should've seen it."

"Now don't you go and start blaming yourself for what Rachael tried to do. She was making a choice that would have ended in her death, but you saved her."

"I just hope I can get through to her…"

When they arrived at the man's home, Mark carried Rachael inside and followed Mr. Hewitt to a bedroom where he laid Rachael down. As they stepped to the front room, Mr. Hewitt started to offer his own bedroom to Mark.

"Please, we've been enough trouble already. I can stay out here on the couch. Besides, if Rachael wakes in the middle of the night, I would like to be close by."

The man nodded and they took care of the horses together before turning in. Mark tossed and turned for quite a while, unable to fall asleep.

It was almost two in the morning when Mark heard Rachael yelling in her sleep. Running to her room, Mark lit the lamp on the nightstand and sat down on the bed, trying to rouse his cousin.

"Stop, please, no… no you can't! Please!"

"Rachael!"

Mark shook his cousin in an attempt to wake her as tears streamed down her face.

"Please!" Rachael begged, terror in her voice.

"Rachael, you're safe! Wake up! Rachael!"

Bolting upright, Rachael screamed, waking herself up. Realizing it had been a dream, she slowly turned to see Mark beside her.

"Oh, Mark…" Rachael cried as she fell into Mark's arms. "Don't leave me… please don't leave me…"

"I won't; I promise…"

**10MC10**

Later that morning, Mark looked up to see Mr. Hewitt standing in the doorway.

"I have some things to take care of in town, I'll be gone for a few hours. Anything you need?"

"Could you send a wire for me?"

"I'm afraid we don't have a telegraph office."

"Thanks anyway."

"You're welcome to anything in the house."

"Thank you, Mr. Hewitt."

Mark continued to sit by Rachael's bed for a long time, waiting for her to wake up, praying he would have the right words to say when she did.

Finally, Mark heard a voice call his name.

"Mark?"

Mark looked down to see Rachael sitting up, running her hand through her hair. He didn't know what to say or do, afraid of pushing her away.

"...Mark, I'm sorry."

As tears began trickling down Rachael's face, Mark moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"...Are you alright?"

Rachael shrugged and looked away, trying to wipe away the tears that fell down her face.

"Rachael, it's alright to hurt, to feel pain. But you can't keep it all inside."

Rachael nodded as she looked back at Mark, bursting into tears.

"For the last three years I've tried to block so much of it out; to ignore what had happened… but… the nightmares kept haunting me. I couldn't stop thinking about it. When we almost lost Aunt Milly…" Rachael cupped her mouth and shook her head. "I was so scared. And then seeing her finally back home… seeing you with Lydia and your family together, happy… I just couldn't take it anymore. You always talked about letting yourself grieve, but I never could fully let that happen. ...I knew I had to come back. I knew I had to let go. But when I got there…"

Rachael began sobbing as Mark pulled her into his arms.

"It was too much… everything just came back at once and I… I didn't know what else to do. The pain, the guilt… I couldn't live with myself anymore…"

"Rachael, the babies, your mother, their deaths were not your fault. That was your father's doing, and his alone."

"Why couldn't have been me?" Rachael cried.

"There's a reason you survived, Rachael. You have a whole life ahead of you, a life that was given you for a reason."

"Things would be better off without me…"

"Well thanks," Mark caustically replied, pulling back from his cousin.

Rachael looked at Mark in confusion as she asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Rachael, I would be dead if it weren't for you. You saved my neck, literally."

"But…"

"And if it hadn't been for you, Pa would've never reconciled with his brothers, either."

Rachael didn't know what to say, but Mark could still see the guilt in her eyes.

"I know it's hard. But you have to accept that it's not your fault. Paul Baker took on Bryce Perry in a gunfight because I wouldn't. That was his choice; it's not my fault that he died. Your father… what he did to your mother was his choice. You didn't know he was coming home and you don't know if he would've acted any differently had you been home. ...He probably wouldn't have. Rachael, what went on in your home was a horrible thing. You were a victim of your father's abuse, just like your mother. You didn't cause any of what happened. You survived and you don't need to feel guilty about that."

Mark pulled Rachael back into an embrace as she nodded, crying tears of release.

Some time later, Rachael sat back, wiping the tears from her face.

"What I said about Aunt Milly coming home, I'm glad she's alright…"

"Rachael, I understand." Mark thought for a few moments before continuing. "...Cassie and I got pregnant a few months after you came to live with us, but we lost the baby before we even realized she was pregnant. She would've been due about the time Ma, Lou, and Laura all had their babies. We were happy for all of them, but it hurt, being reminded of what we had lost. You don't need to feel bad because you feel pain. It's alright to grieve."

"Mark… I want to go back."

"Are you sure you can handle it?"

Rachael nodded, the last of hear tears having fallen.

"I need to say goodbye."

Rachael and Mark rode back to what had formerly been Rachael's home. Mark watched at a distance as Rachael approached what he assumed to be Klarissa's grave and placed flowers atop a rock. He then realized it was the same spot where he had found Rachael the night before.

Mark stood and watched as his cousin said goodbye to her mother, battling the tears that welled in his own eyes. Finally, Rachael turned around and walked back towards Mark, tears on her cheeks. Mark put an arm around Rachael and pulled her close as they stood there silently, taking in the moment.

**11MC11**

Mark and Rachael spent two more days with Mr. Hewitt before riding back to Grand Junction. Mark got Rachael settled in a hotel room before taking the horse she had rented back to the livery, buying tickets for home, and wiring the family. Returning to the hotel, Mark washed up and got situated in his own room before knocking on the connecting door to Rachael's.

"Come in."

Mark walked through the door, surprised to see that Rachael had changed into a dress.

"Don't worry," Rachael teased, "It's not permanent."

"Surprised you packed it."

"Guess North Fork's wearing off on me. My jeans were all muddy so I had to wash them."

"...Speaking of North Fork, we need to talk about what's going to happen when we get home."

Rachael slowly nodded as they both sat down.

"What are you planning on telling everyone?"

"...You mean… you're not going to tell your Pa about… about me trying to…"

"I don't know yet. ...I guess that all depends on what you have to say about that," Mark replied, gesturing to Rachael's forearm.

"How did you know?"

"I think the real question is, how did it take me so long to find out? ...Rachael, you're not a little girl, but you'll always be like my little sister. You can talk to me about anything."

"...You were just so overwhelmed with everything going on with Aunt Milly and the ranch and your Pa... I didn't want to add to it. ...And I was afraid… if I did tell you, that you'd be upset with me."

"How could I be upset with you?"

"I thought maybe you'd think that I wasn't grateful for everything your Pa had done for me, or maybe… maybe you'd think I was crazy or… I don't know, a lot of things."

"Never in a million years. Rachael, I've been in that same place before. You can ask my Pa, I almost killed myself once. It's a hard place to be in and I would never judge you for being there. Grief does a lot to a person."

"...You're not upset?"

"I'm upset that I could've lost you, but it's because I love you and couldn't imagine you not being in our lives."

"...So are you going to tell your parents, or not?"

"...I honestly don't think everyone needs to know everything that has happened over the last few days until you're ready to tell them, but I need to know that you're not going to go back to trying to take the pain out on yourself. I need to know that we don't need to be keeping an eye on you, worried this week is going to repeat itself."

"...You don't, I promise. I… like you said, Mark, I had to accept that it wasn't my fault. ...I also had to accept that it all did happen. I had to face my fears and… and accept the fact that there's no going back… that there's no changing anything. ...I had to accept the fact that it was alright to move on, and that my mother would have wanted me to."

"And the cutting?"

"I won't let myself go there again."

"So… in regards to moving on, have you made a decision about March, yet?"

"...Honestly, I kinda forgot about it. ...But it feels right. I think it's time to start a new chapter."

"How'd Pa take the news when you told him they accepted the application?"

"...How long do you think I should wait after we get back to tell him I applied?"

Mark stared at Rachael in shock for a moment before breaking out in laughter.

"Have fun with that…"

**12MC12**

"Morning, Amos," Lucas called as he entered the telegraph office. "Anything from Mark?"

"Came in yesterday evening."

Lucas took the wire from Amos and read it.

LUCAS McCAIN

NORTH FORK, NEW MEXICO

Will be home tomorrow night.

Please give everyone our love.

McCAIN, MARK and RACHAEL

GRAND JUNCTION, COLORADO

"Thanks, Amos!"

Lucas left the office and ran to the general store to find Milly and Cassie.

"They're on their way home; said they'd be home tonight sometime," Lucas explained, handing them the telegram to read.

"Mark 'ome?" Lydia asked as she reached for Lucas.

"Not yet, but he'll be tonight with Rachael." Lucas picked his daughter up and planted a kiss on her head.

"Grand Junction?" Milly asked. "What were they doing out there?"

"I don't know, but we'll find out tonight. I'm gonna go tell Johnny and Lou."

That evening, the McCain family anxiously awaited for Mark and Rachael to arrive home. It was nearing eleven o'clock when Milly turned to Lucas.

"...Do you think something happened?"

"If they're not home in an hour I'll ride to town and-"

Lucas's statement was interrupted by the sound of horses riding up to the house. The family quickly made their way outside where they greeted Mark and Rachael with hugs.

"What took you so long?" Lucas asked.

"I'm about ready to give up on trains altogether," Mark answered as he shook his head. "We spent three hours shoveling snow off the tracks and laying sand."

Lucas and Mark quickly took care of the horses before everyone sat down in front of the fire in the front room, waiting for Rachael to explain.

"I'm sorry to have worried you all so much," Rachael began. "I… I needed to go back and deal with some of the things from my past. I needed to say goodbye to my mother and move on from what my father did to us."

"We're just glad you're alright," Lucas assured.

"Mark, how did you know where Rachael went?" Milly asked.

"Once I knew she was headed to Denver, I checked for trains going out to Utah from there. It made the most sense."

"...But I never told any of you were we had lived," Rachael commented, realizing she didn't know how Mark had found her, either.

"Your saddle has "Bonanza, Utah" stamped on it and you had talked about growing up close to the Colorado border. It was a long shot, but I was pretty sure that was the answer."

"We didn't mean to overstep our bounds looking for you, but-"

Rachael interrupted her uncle, shaking her head.

"No, it's alright. ...I'm glad Mark was there."

Mark and Rachael recounted the trip, leaving out the struggle with the knife.

After the family visited for a while longer, Mark and Cassie made their way home. As they were getting ready for bed, Cassie turned to her husband.

"Mark, in the note you left for your Pa you said you were sorry… is there something I should know?"

"What do you mean?"

"...The night before you left you said you would tell me if you were in some sort of danger but… when I read what you had written… I… I couldn't help but wonder..."

Mark shook his head and crossed the room to put his hands on Cassie's shoulders. He pulled her close and kissed her on top of the head.

"I just meant I was sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. I had five minutes before the train left, or I would've let everyone know what was going on." Mark put his hand under Cassie's chin and lifted it. "I'm sorry if I worried you."

"...I'm glad you're both back home."

"...What is it?" Mark asked, seeing the hesitancy in Cassie's eye.

"Whatever was bothering you that night, it had to do with Rachael, didn't it?"

Mark nodded.

"...Something else happened out there, didn't it?"

"That's something you need to ask her."

"I understand." Cassie reached up and wrapped her arms around Mark's neck before giving him a kiss. "I love you, Mark McCain."

**13MC13**

A week later, Mark was helping Lucas with the barn chores down the hill when Rachael hesitantly entered the barn.

"Um, Uncle Lucas?"

"Yes, Rachael?"

"Can I… can I talk to you for a minute?"

"I'll leave you two alone." Mark headed for the barn doors, whispering, "Good luck," in his cousin's ear.

Lucas and Rachael sat down across from each other.

"Something the matter?"

"No, I… I guess I just better come out and say it. I applied for a job with the Pinkertons and was accepted. I'm grateful for everything you and Aunt Milly have done for me, but it's time for me to move on. I know you and Aunt Milly don't feel it's a position befitting a young woman, but the world is changing and… well aside from that, I feel like this is what I'm supposed to do. I… I understand if you're upset that I didn't talk to you first, but I was afraid that you wouldn't give me the chance and I was afraid… I was afraid you might not want me anymore if it's what I pursued, anyway."

"...So why come to me now?"

"Because I realize I should have talked to you about it and… and I would… I would like your blessing."

"Rachael," Lucas sighed, "I care about you, I love you, and I respect you as the woman you've become. And as much as Milly would probably kill me for saying this, I'd be doing you a disservice if I didn't encourage you to pursue something that I can plainly see is your calling. There are just two conditions that I expect to be followed to the letter."

"...Which are…?"

"First of all, I expect a letter from you at least once a month."

Rachael started to look past Lucas's firm voice and could see the teasing, loving gleam in his eye.

"And the second?"

"Never forget that you will always have a family to come home to."

_If you or someone you know struggles with inflicting self-harm or suicidal thoughts, please seek help right away. _

_National Suicide Prevention Lifeline & Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-273-8255_


End file.
